If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
