If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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