mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
