In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
