I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
