You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
