I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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