the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
