I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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