I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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