Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
