when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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