Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
