I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
