Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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