are you still at the devil's house?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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