i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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