what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize