dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Rumble strips road head = magical
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
