Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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