Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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