In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
