He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
