oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
