She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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