Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
