she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
