if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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