I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
