singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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