those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Green mimosas i think yes
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
