they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
