8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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