why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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