i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
