no, he came in my armpit
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
