Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
