Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
