how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
