...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
