You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
