Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
