and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
