Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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