i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
