I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
