If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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