okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
