My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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