He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
