dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
