why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
