Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
