I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
