So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
