oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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