u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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