1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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