hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize