In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
