SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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