So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
