You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize