I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
