I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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