I'm jealous of your bromance
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
