it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
