Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
