I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
